Sunday, October 10, 2004
something from the vault
i was thinking about the top 5 all time dumbest things i've ever done, and this one jumps to mind. i still cringe when i think about it 6 years later.
in '98 i was working at my parents bakery as the delivery driver. i went around to all the restaurants and delivered desserts. sometimes, if i got in early, i'd answer the phone.
early one morning the phone wrang, it was the head chef from one of our biggest accounts. i'd made deliveries to this guy a hundred times before, he was really nice and we got along with each other just fine. when i picked up the phone, right away he asked to speak to my mom.
i pressed the phone to my thigh and yelled "HEY MOM THE CUTE LITTLE BLACK GUY FROM THE GUILDED PHEASANT IS ON THE PHONE!"
it just came pouring out, i didnt give it a second thought then, but thinking about it now, the words come out in slow motion, i try to stuff them back into my mouth, but i cant.
things like this are always happening to me, my mouth responding uncontrollably to a given situation.
a woman brought her 10 month old little girl into the grocery store where i worked
"that baby looks just like Ed Asner" i smilled. and it did too.
when she didnt smile back, and in fact began to avoid eye contact, i tried to win her over by saying
"hey, all babies go through an Ed Asner phase."
or when that one lady asked why there were flies in the deli case and i said
"well, maybe you brought them."
i apologized to her for months.
so its not necessarily unusual that i should blurt out something without thinking. but this was something different. this was summing a person up, pegging him not by who he was, but just by the outside things that he had no control over.
its weird to look back on your life and wince. i found out just this weekend that every hair on your head has grown, fallen out and grown back at the end of five years. six years have passed since i was that 20 year old kid answering phones at the bakery. the older i get, the more removed i feel from the boy i was back then.
so it was bad news. i was sure the chef heard me loud and clear, and worse, i had a big order to hand deliver to the guy.
Im not sure what we talked about as i loaded his cooler with desserts, but im sure i laughted too much and avoided any kind of real eye contact. we both knew what was coming as i gave him the invoice.
"so...were you the one that answered the phone this morning?"
"oh no i dont get to work until noon and then ive got to get right on the road cause kitchens stop taking delivers once dinner starts and usually my mom answers the phone but im not sure who answered it today cause i wasnt there ha ha here's your invoice feel free to sign there at the bottom."
"oh. okay."
i sometimes dream of calling him up and telling him the truth. i realize now that any chance i had to come clean and be honest with myself, to look at him in the eye and appologize or get slugged, ended that afternoon. i guess thats not true, in a way i pay for it everytime the embarrassment of it flares up like a welt. and all im left with is the ghost of something i can never resolve.
in '98 i was working at my parents bakery as the delivery driver. i went around to all the restaurants and delivered desserts. sometimes, if i got in early, i'd answer the phone.
early one morning the phone wrang, it was the head chef from one of our biggest accounts. i'd made deliveries to this guy a hundred times before, he was really nice and we got along with each other just fine. when i picked up the phone, right away he asked to speak to my mom.
i pressed the phone to my thigh and yelled "HEY MOM THE CUTE LITTLE BLACK GUY FROM THE GUILDED PHEASANT IS ON THE PHONE!"
it just came pouring out, i didnt give it a second thought then, but thinking about it now, the words come out in slow motion, i try to stuff them back into my mouth, but i cant.
things like this are always happening to me, my mouth responding uncontrollably to a given situation.
a woman brought her 10 month old little girl into the grocery store where i worked
"that baby looks just like Ed Asner" i smilled. and it did too.
when she didnt smile back, and in fact began to avoid eye contact, i tried to win her over by saying
"hey, all babies go through an Ed Asner phase."
or when that one lady asked why there were flies in the deli case and i said
"well, maybe you brought them."
i apologized to her for months.
so its not necessarily unusual that i should blurt out something without thinking. but this was something different. this was summing a person up, pegging him not by who he was, but just by the outside things that he had no control over.
its weird to look back on your life and wince. i found out just this weekend that every hair on your head has grown, fallen out and grown back at the end of five years. six years have passed since i was that 20 year old kid answering phones at the bakery. the older i get, the more removed i feel from the boy i was back then.
so it was bad news. i was sure the chef heard me loud and clear, and worse, i had a big order to hand deliver to the guy.
Im not sure what we talked about as i loaded his cooler with desserts, but im sure i laughted too much and avoided any kind of real eye contact. we both knew what was coming as i gave him the invoice.
"so...were you the one that answered the phone this morning?"
"oh no i dont get to work until noon and then ive got to get right on the road cause kitchens stop taking delivers once dinner starts and usually my mom answers the phone but im not sure who answered it today cause i wasnt there ha ha here's your invoice feel free to sign there at the bottom."
"oh. okay."
i sometimes dream of calling him up and telling him the truth. i realize now that any chance i had to come clean and be honest with myself, to look at him in the eye and appologize or get slugged, ended that afternoon. i guess thats not true, in a way i pay for it everytime the embarrassment of it flares up like a welt. and all im left with is the ghost of something i can never resolve.
Saturday, October 02, 2004
bleagh
i cant remember the last time i threw up the way i did last night. well, actually it was about 7 days ago. i went to Greenlife, (its like wholefoods) and bought a wrap, 2 cookies and a bottle of this sludgey green mega juice stuff. so i go home, eat all this food and down my drink, 2 hours later, im hovering over the toilet.
now, 7 days older and hopefully wiser, what do i do? I go to greenlife get a DIFFERENT kind of wrap, 2 cookies and a bottle of juice.
it was awful. Im feeling better today though. i've managed to eat a couple of things and not feel sick.
"mr softcore" came in again yesterday. he doesnt get a room anymore. we have viewing stations, little cubicles here in the media center. he's just watching at a cubicle. yesterday it was Malena, in this movie a french actress plays an italian during world war 2. i imagine there are lots of scenes with her doing laundry on a hot day in cotton dress, the front haphazardly buttoned. every now and again she runs a wet rag down her neck and across her ample bosom.
anyway, that guy's sick.
now, 7 days older and hopefully wiser, what do i do? I go to greenlife get a DIFFERENT kind of wrap, 2 cookies and a bottle of juice.
it was awful. Im feeling better today though. i've managed to eat a couple of things and not feel sick.
"mr softcore" came in again yesterday. he doesnt get a room anymore. we have viewing stations, little cubicles here in the media center. he's just watching at a cubicle. yesterday it was Malena, in this movie a french actress plays an italian during world war 2. i imagine there are lots of scenes with her doing laundry on a hot day in cotton dress, the front haphazardly buttoned. every now and again she runs a wet rag down her neck and across her ample bosom.
anyway, that guy's sick.
