The Joel Train

I'm in Raleigh.  Hurricane Matthew is slowly moving up the coast of Florida and will begin impacting Savannah soon.  We left behind our three cats and a classroom pet tortoise, Sheldon, that we happened to be tending to.  Micah began vomiting last night and is still out of sorts.  There is no Hurricane in Minnesota, so my work must continue.  Stress on top of stress on top of stress.

Ana is pregnant.  After 2 rounds of fertility treatments, super ovulation and artificial insemination, we find ourselves in a strange and terrifying position: Twins!  

We're both panicked, but I know we'll be fine.  It just forces us to be really intentional about everything.  Which is exhausting.

I had my own childish outburst as a result of this news.  I positioned myself as the neglected genie making all of Ana's wishes come true, but without reciprocation.  I was the crane wife who is rescued from a hunter and returns as a beautiful maiden to make a success out of her savior.  But the crane wife is mistreated.  There is not bottom to the wants of the rescuer, and so the crane wife transforms back into a giant bird and flies away.

But Ana found out how I felt.  And it hurt her feelings.  And suddenly I realized I was in the REVERSE crane wife.  That maybe all I ever wanted was to belong.  To be part of something.  And she had given that to me over and again.  And I was rejecting it.  I was rejecting her.  And maybe We'd argue and in the morning I'd wake up in the basement apartment where she'd found me, wrapped in a dirty  sleeping bag on top of a thrift store mattress.  And the wealth of all our travels and adventures and Micah and all that is to come would disappear.  And I'd be alone.  She was the crane wife, and I couldn't see all that she had given me.

So maybe I should shut up and enjoy my life.