The Joel Train

When I was a young person I thought I was the protagonist in my own fairy tale.  I believed in all seriousness that some exciting adventure was going to happen to me at any moment.  More than that, I believed that I would just automatically, without thought or effort, be great when it presented itself.  I was special.  I was the hero.  And everything would just work out.  I knew that whatever words happened to fall out of my head would ring true and funny and charming.  I thought well told stories started with "hey fellas, listen to this:" and then you just held your mouth open for a while.  When you closed it, people were either laughing or crying, but probably clapping.  I was a leader.  I was a teacher.  I was the boy in the Never Ending Story who beat the bullies, saved the kingdom from the nothing, and found his age appropriate, little blonde princess.  Or I would be soon enough.  I just had to wait for my reward to find me.  It took a long long time to reject this feeling of predestination.


I read part of this book once that said our experiences are diminished by the stories we tell.  That we can't really have an honest, authentic interaction because we're constantly checking in and reframing  the moment against the web of stories we've collected in our lives.  You're finally sitting on that split rail fence, the spring wind blowing through the fringes of your jean jacket.  He's there.  He said he couldn't get away, but here he is.  His perfectly flat brim of his baseball cap shading his eyes.  Your heart is beating fast.  This is it.

But does the electricity of that moment count if it's just borrowed from a greatest hits list of the movies and books in our heads?  Unrequited love - check.  Meet cute - check.  First kiss - check. vampire cult - check.


If I had to tie this all together somehow, I guess it's like this.  Don't worry about it.  If you carefully craft a narrative, life is going to happen to you anyway.  Don't be too much of a stickler or you'll wind up disappointed.  If you don't do anything about anything, well then looking back you'll find that your collection of disjointed experiences have knit together to form a roughshod storyline with or without you.  Hopefully you come to accept what you find there.  And even if you can avoid being disappointed with how things have turned out, some asshole will write a book and try to discount your experience.  So don't worry about it.


Now get out there and have yourself a great Weekend!