The Joel Train

i just got home and the cats are freakin out. we took Samson to the vet a couple of weeks ago for an eye infection. his eye's okay, but it turns out the cat weighs 14 pounds. so my cat's obese. Is that so bad? i mean sure he's alittle on the husky side, but really, its not like he's cruising for the ladies. now we're carefully rationing out his food so that he gets just enough to make him mad and whiney.

this is tough to do, because his sister, delila (i wanted to call her susan) who has a fantastic figure for a cat, can eat all the dried up nuggets of cat food she wants. if we're not carefull, samson will eat his food AND delila's food. i cant just put abunch of food in a common bowl anymore. i have to have two bowls, and then i have to lock one of them in a different room or else when im not looking, samson will sneak. he's done this a couple of times, and when i catch him he looks up at me. i hope for some kind of expression of guilt or shame, but he's a cat and cats dont have expressions.

so the food isnt just sitting on the floor waiting for a cat to pass by. Its up out of reach. taking the food bowl away seems to be stressing the cats out. Now they follow me around the house waiting to see what i'll do next.

so this guy i know walks into the media center. his name is sasha and he was wearing a t-shirt with a pirate on it. did you know that there is "talk like a pirate" day? its sept 19th. your supposed to end each sentence with "ye matees!" or, if your at a restaurant you can lean over to your niehbor and say "AARRRRHH you going eat that?"

here's the website:

http://www.talklikeapirate.com


I writing in spurts these days, hopefully later today i'll have more.

i love my new bike. Its a Jamis and it is new and mine. I bought it a week ago and its been satisfying both times i've ridden it. I went to a bunch of different bike shops here in asheville looking for one. What ive noticed is that theres a huge "we ride bikes" universe out there.

I went into one shop and i could tell it was the family friendly store. there was a golden retriever laying on the floor waiting for some petting and they had these tow-behind tent on wheel things that you put your kids in hanging from the ceiling. I knew i wanted a rode bike and i looked at what was in stock. Ana was with me so i thought i'd tell her all about bikes.

It turns out all i know is that road bikes have the curly handle bars and mountain bikes have the straight ones. oh! and that there are some bikes, called "fixed gear" bikes that only have one gear and you cant ever stop peddling.

so nobody would make eyecontact with me at the family store, so i went down the street to the next bike shop. This was the hooligan bike shop, manned by beautiful people who were skinny and smelled bad. I felt the sudden need to live there. renounce all my uncool ways and promise to only wear white tanktops and baggy cargo shorts.
unfortunatly, everytime i tried to grab someone's attention, all i'd get was a noncommital lip curl. so i moved on to the next place.

This last place was a keeper. not too family friendly, not too edgy. It was just right. the folks at Biowheels were friendly and they filled me full of info that, while i didnt understand, made me feel more like I was part of the conversation. in some language unknown to me .

The bike is a Crossbike, which means that if i wanted to take it over gravel or some light trails, i can. It has the clip-in pedals, which i've never used before. once you're clipped in, you cant pull your feet out. you have to swivel. its hard to remember to swivel once you start falling over, so everytime i come to a stop sign or traffic light i have to chant "swivel swivel" over and over. Im getting used to it. The crotch squashing is alittle uncomfortable though. If it continues to be unpleasant i'll probably get one of those cutaway seats so your junk can hang free. I cant wait.

so friday was graduation. Its only my two year degree, but i felt like alittle slap on the back. some sign that 8 years of college must be amounting to something damn it! so i went.

there was a short rehearsal which i talked through, and then a little banquet with meat balls and little pastries. Ana was there with me, and i pointed out all people i'd had classes with over the last couple of years. i had four plates of meat balls.

my last name starts with an A and that puts me at the front of the line in stuff like this. My friend mark says that i should be quick on my toes after years of being called on first as teachers just read down their attendance rolls. This is obviously not the case.

even with the help of ushers i was unable to successfully guide my row to their proper seats, it turns out the Associate in Science folks are pretty territorial.

Ana and i had a plan for the photo op when diploma time came. I was to get my diploma and stand at the edge of the stage near the steps until ana had a chance to snap a couple off.

I climbed the stage and shook a few hands, but when i got to the edge of the stage ana couldnt get the camera to work. I stood my ground as long as i could, but people started backin up. At this i started to panic, i couldnt wait any longer, so i raced down the steps. I was the head of my line, and i suddenly couldnt remember which way i was supposed to go to get back to my seat. I literally started darting back and forth infront of the stage until the girl behind me yelled in the right direction. i graduated with honors, but i think they'll try and dispute it.

So the ceremony was ending and the organist started to play this jammin little tune as the students exited the building. it was straight out of "Troy". i was bobbing my head and watching all the graduates and teachers stream past me. I heard someone yell, and when i turned, my entire row was gone! I'd been jamming and didnt notice that i wasnt the head of the row anymore, i was the tail end. the ass of the row really.

well. i had a good time, and although we dont have any pictures, maybe somebody got it on tape, i'll google "drunk graduate" and see what i find.
then maybe i'll google "drunk coeds" just in case...

oh. i just read the bourne supremecy, and today went to see the movie. Im not sure i understand. they both are about a guy named bourne, but after that, they have nothing to do with each other. why even name it after the book? why make me read 700 fucking pages when you know im going to be yelling cockadoodie! during the whole movie.

why!

and dont try to get around a weak plot by shaking the camera around abunch. Im not even sure what was happening half the time with all the shaking and cutting. it seemed like the whole movie consisted of this guy getting into impossible situations, then he'd reach over and shake the crap out of the camera and when our eyes adjusted, he was safe and sound. what? i want my 6 dollars back!

so my friend mark didnt like The Village. i havent talked to him about it, i just read it on his blog. Maybe thats the downside to this whole thing. Why talk to somebody when you can just go to their website?

It was one of those movies where you leave thinking "i thought there was supposed to be zombies or something, that was lame" but then somewhere between the theatre and your house you realize the social commentary and you cry like a little girl.

I once heard some guy on NPR describe P.T. Anderson as filled with hubris, and for the life of me i cant understand why, but M night Shamalynalyn seems to be out right overflowing with the stuff. I mean christ, we all know it was him in the security shack, did he really need to wink and nod with that reflection nonsense? And why were there no zombies?

All that aside, i did like the movie, i think it would have made a better play or short story.

Today was my last day of classes for the summer. I had a final in economics, one in literature and one in physics. In all these classes i had the opportunity to make an A.

I tried to study this weekend. i really did. and i was sure that if i didnt study that there would be time between finals to get alittle cramming in. I did study for the economics, while i watched this court tv show about some meth addict who works at the county morgue and is cheating on her husband with her boss, a married man from australia.

The lady decides to kill her husband, so she steals some very special pain medication from the lab, gives her husband a lethal dose and calls it a suicide. the drugs are special because they arent tested for in the typical autopsy, an autopsy that will be performed by her lover at the morgue. It would have been perfect, except the lady's a meth head and her in-laws know it. they can tell somethings up.

so the brothers of the dead husband cry foul play and an independent autopsy discovers all the nasty little details. The lover has sudden pressing business in australia catches the first plane out of town, leaving the young lady hanging in the breeze. She's tried, convicted and sentenced to life without parole. Good television.

I did fine in all my classes, got a B in Literature which was disappointing. Scored a 76 on my physics final, two points more than i needed for an A in the class! I was sure i'd screwed that up, but it turned out alright. Im just glad i get a break for a few days before it starts all over again. UNCA starts on Aug 18th.

For now i'll work part-time at the media center and try to keep myself from making any large purchases while Ana's at work. Im looking for a new bike and a new computer for my little office im trying to create in the backroom of my apartment. Im going to the bike shop tomorrow. Just to look. really.

Graduation is Friday, my folks are coming up. Should make for some good blogging.

until then, thanks for being patient.